We are neither red states nor blue states but the United States of normal goddamn people who like dogs
Soon we the American people will be able to welcome two very good boys to the White House after four long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long dog-ass years. I’m speaking of course of the Bidens’ German Shepherds, Major and Champ. …
Before you even start with me, let me be very clear that until Marriage Story, the only thing I knew about Adam Driver was that some internet cats looked like him. And Star Wars something something I don’t know. I stopped watching Star Wars back when there was exactly one Star Wars movie and it was called Star Wars. Net net: I am not carrying water for Adam Driver. Fine, I loved Marriage Story and I will argue with you about that at another time.
But to the task at hand: I watched the Fresh Air, “Adam Driver storms out…”…
Illustration by Bene Rohlmann
When you’re heading out on a road trip with adolescents, don’t forget to bring everything, including a little emotional baggage! Here is a sanity-saving checklist to get you through long drives with teens.
Parenting humor sites don’t die, they just abandon you for their friends
We all knew this time would come and come it has. We have decided to bring RAZED’s Terrorizing and Highly Inconsistent Reign of Terror™ to a close. But first! Here is our valentine to you:
Jodi Kantor, The New York Times reporter who, along with Megan Twohey, broke the Harvey Weinstein story, spoke here in Vermont back in February. Of all the ground she covered, one anecdote in particular snagged my attention. She remarked that doing something as simple as watching an old movie with her eldest daughter now meant having to constantly press pause in order to provide context for what was unfolding, and why it was problematic.
Would that have happened 10 years ago? Or even two?
These are our homes, our marriages; this is our mothering now. Mothers and wives are at…
Baa baa black sheep,
Have you any wool?
No sir, no sir,
The millionaires and billionaires have it, sorry.
Jack and Jill
Went up Capitol Hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
But all anyone could talk about
Was how Jill should smile more.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t stop all of the blood coming out of his wherever.
A swarm of bees in May
Is worth a load of hay;
A swarm of bees in June
In this final installment of my three-part interview with Chris Monks, he plays favorites and that includes, of course, a list.
Kimberly Harrington: I know you said you’re not writing short humor pieces anymore, but are there pieces on the site that you feel jealous of, that you wish you had written?
Chris Monks: Oh yeah. Pretty much everything Seth Reiss submits I wish I had written.
One of the funniest things we’ve ever run is this piece of his that’s a parody of lead-ins to the 11 o’clock news. The whole joke is that the regular anchors aren’t there…
Chris Monks has been editing McSweeney’s Internet Tendency for eight years and McSweeney’s has 250,000 followers on Twitter. I’ve been editing the parenting humor site RAZED for five months and we have, like, 63 followers. So, as you can see, we practically have the same job and experience.*
*We do not.
In Part 2 of my three-part interview, we delve deeper into the world of submissions from the editor’s point of view plus a heads up on what you never ever need to submit to McSweeney’s again.
Kimberly Harrington: When you’re going through submissions, do you have a sense when…
In the past year or so I’ve had three great meetings related to writing. One was at Chateau Marmont. Two have been at Panera. The main differences: 1) No one at Panera comments on how weird it is that you’re eating bread, 2) No one is waiting in line to see the valet pull up with your shitty rental car at Panera, and 3) You could be sharing bagels with twenty New York Times best-selling authors and your fellow Panera diners would just assume that all y’alls are the neighborhood book club. Thank you, Panera, for just being you.
Sometimes it can be scary and confusing for kids when they’re faced with an unknown, like a politician who actually represents the regular people who voted for him. As you tuck them into bed don’t be surprised if you hear questions like, “But what about the billionaires? Who’s going to speak for them?” or “Why is he so angry all the time?” or “Mom, why did you hit him?” We’ll get to that last one in a minute.
I find that the best way to address kids’ valid concerns about politicians is to ease them into it. The last time…