Ooooh deep breath. Where to begin. Let’s start with:

  1. If my name was John Harrington would you be telling me to “write my little heart out”? Check yourself and go fuck yourself while you’re at it. I am over the number of responses from men (and they’re all from men) that take this tone.
  2. While we’re on the subject of men, why do y’all talk to me like I’m not old enough to use a computer by myself? I’m probably older than you are. I voted for Bill twice, thank you, so that would make me *just old enough* to remember voting in 2000.
  3. Have you seen anywhere in any piece I’ve written lately where I say I’m NOT going to vote for Hillary? Take a look. I’ll wait. And don’t come back with the “broom or dog” line because if you can’t see that’s a joke, we’re done here.
  4. So what you’re saying is, after two days of excellent stage craft (and don’t get me wrong, I am for real L-O-V-I-N-G the Democratic National Convention and blown away by the speakers, speeches, and many many of the moments) that we should all forget all of the super fucked up things that happened during the primaries—on both sides, while we’re at it? The system is profoundly broken and it deserves serious scrutiny. To act otherwise is to be incredibly naive.
  5. I live in Vermont and Bernie is my Senator. I don’t need updates on how much grace he and our delegation showed last night.
  6. Although I jokingly say I’m directing the piece (again, a SATIRICAL piece) at the Democratic National Committee and Hillary as the same person/thing, per the title I am aiming most of these (SATIRICAL) charges at DNC. But with the recognition that clearly there was some engineering happening to favor Hillary throughout the primary season. The media deserves a lot of blame too, but that’s another article. On the stump I’m well aware of her Politifacts rating. I don’t need them regurgitated to me like I don’t know what the internet is. But her lying on the stump vs. the Clintons and/or the DNC taking part in shady campaigning mechanics are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. There’s stupid and then there’s intentional action. Again, two different things. It all deserves investigation and not just a blinders-over-eyes shrug of “Well she’s the candidate! I guess the system’s broken! But oh well let’s not examine it at all!” response. That’s ludicrous.
  7. If you think the biggest threat to party unity is one smart ass article on Medium, we have a fragile coalition indeed.

Wait, were you even looking for a serious response or just a way to boost your follower count? Either way, here you go.

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AMATEUR HOUR (2018) and BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY (2021) | The New York Times, The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, The Cut |

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